The new year is approaching, and it is a complicated time - especially for people who are grieving or amidst a lot of unknown, loss, and transition. Losing someone you love can be a complicated and painful experience, especially during the winter. In addition, any kind of change can feel like a loss, and that's often what makes growth feel so hard.

And then, we have the holidays, which can be extra complicated. The days are short, it's cold and dark, and there is an expectation of "holiday cheer" which can feel... well, shitty.

If you're going through loss during the holidays, it's extra important to bundle up your resources and pull them close. Whether it's your dog, your mother, your best friend, or Netflix – use what you have right now to help you get through. And if you are feeling suicidal, please reach out. Your people are here waiting for you. If you can't reach someone you love, because they're preoccupied or sad also, please call the suicide hotline and just talk it through. 1-800-273-8255, 24/7, there will be someone there for you.

Click through for some resources that could be helpful to you or someone you love.

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”   ― James Baldwin

It is a new era for psychotherapy. It is no longer a time for neutrality, as the pain that therapists and our patients feel is tied into a greater social context. We must learn about individual pain, projection, denial, narcissistic wounding, and trauma, but we cannot separate the individual from the collective. To do so would be to collude with the pain, hatred, and divisiveness that is now national rhetoric.

There may be people you cannot talk to post-election. There may be people you can. For those you can speak with, I encourage you to try, and to really listen. For those with whom it is not safe to speak,  or with whom you feel too heated or angry, it is okay to avoid those conversations and step back.

A few things that have been helpful for me are: to take care of my body, get enough sleep, talk to supportive friends and family, write this newsletter and share resources, and listen on audiobook to James Baldwin's "The Fire Next Time."

Following are some resources for you, whether you are ready for direct action, need more access to community that shares your values, want to unpack your own racism, or need more space to grieve.

"Repetition of past traumas is a cornerstone of the Borderline experience: for as much as the sufferer is trying to protect himself, he ends up replicating the same circumstances that led to the trauma in the first place."

For more about the complexities of living with, and loving someone with, Borderline Personality Disorder, please take a look at my recent article in Psyched in San Francisco where I approach BPD from a cultural and interpersonal trauma lens.